based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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