I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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