My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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