Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
