No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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