I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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