I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
