i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
