i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You are the jesus of drinking
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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