If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
