I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
