i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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