you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
