That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
