I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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