oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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