Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
