I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
