i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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