woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
