This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
