opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
