you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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