u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
