this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
