Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
