what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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