oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
