o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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