I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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