Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
