There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
