Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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