Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
