It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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