Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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