dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
