the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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