Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
