After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
