walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
