I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
