I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have feelings that need drinking.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
