Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
