while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
