i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
