His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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