Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
