she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
