he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
