What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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