Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Who died my cat blue again?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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