Quick, to the slutcave!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
