Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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