I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
